we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

April 10, 2012, 10:27 am, Okay Well, I dont believe the LW has a right to be mad at anyone, simply because her and her boyfriend were broken up when this happened. It is my biggest pet peeve when a woman blames the other woman for her boyfriends stupid actions. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. We only have sex if were ready to be a father? The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. It takes a man to be a father. Because she does not have the right to waive support for the child. I have no problem with single people with children who put their kids above the girlfriend/boyfriend and at the beginning of the adjustment period, over the new spouse. AndreaMarie The system you propose that if conception is not by mistake and if the man does not decide early on that he doesnt want to be responsible, then he should be obligated to that child is the craziness system ever. And if this woman buys that line, shes a moron too. I had no idea. Talk about malarky. So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. If there is no child at conception Thats the difference. let us know if he had). If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning.. April 10, 2012, 4:51 pm. Thank God for the real men. Men and women have control over conception on the front end of the decision- and a woman is stuck with the pregnancy. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. So then, to be clear, your point isnt that gay men are more likely to wear condoms. They should act responsibly. I cant believe the absurdity of some of these arguments. If you choose to roll those dice against any odds you have yourself to blame if they dont land in your favor. And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. There are unfair aspects of the whole legal and biological reproductive system for both men AND women. I was a completely amicable situation and hes had no issue with this arrangement and its been many years. Mmmhmm, I thought so. And the world goes round. February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. Also, at least here in this state, its not in any way an easy thing to get out of paying, and I think its relatively difficult to avoid paying child support unless youre essentially a transient or if the woman doesnt make much of an effort to get support. However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. The fact that only the woman has the abortion option is biology, not anyones opinion. SpaceySteph April 10, 2012, 9:40 pm. He can bang the neighbor, the lunch lady, and his friendly neighborhood bartenderwhoever. One of the draw backs of only knowing someone for a short period of time. If the woman is not required to support a child Medications interfere with birth control, not taking it at the same time and whole other host of reason why she could have legitimately gotten pregnant on birth control. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have. reader, Silent wing+, writes (10 February 2010): A There is a chance it isnt his. I just want her to know so that she won't expect anything like my boyfriend marrying him. But it happened. How about, The woman who decided to keep the child knowing that the man was not interested in being a father and providing support?. Its interesting how none of these comments address that he SPECIFICALLY said that he would have nothing to do with his own child. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. For more information, please see our The guy has not opted out of a childs life. If you were having a good communication way with him before, you can found out that he got another girl pregnant before you were dating. Whether or not she trapped him is irrelevant, in my opinion. The timing was exactly right. I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. I mean sure I can relate to the horrible emotions one gets about thinking that their guys (even if hes an ex at this point!) The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. He said theres only a chance. Take this as a lesson learned. What happens if you get pregnant? He is doing alot better. End of story. There were no hard feelings). The pill doesnt stop ovulation in all women. That makes her a scumbag, but it really doesnt absolve you of being the parent for that child. It upsets me how much anger seems to be directed towards this unborn child. Recently he ended the affair and told this woman to have no further contact. We were on and off for few months, and during that time we both dated other people. I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. Nobody wants to refute what John says in his first post. Are sued for child support. Trap Red Flag #1. He says he loves me, doesn't want to lose me, and wants to marry me. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. April 9, 2012, 7:31 pm, It is interesting that I have never met anybody with HIV who just magically got that way Instead, they have all been very upfront and honest about their mistakes I was careless Meaning they dont claim have been wearing a condom when they werent. She doesnt have to listen to him, but the concern at least needs to be addressed. Everyone experiences the ups and downs of a relationship differently, and the same goes for breakups. I have zero sympathy for for any guy crying about how hes stuck paying for a child he doesnt want. If a guy wants absolutely to avoid becoming a father, he is responsible for using additional BC or not having sex with women if he doesnt know what their stance on unintended pregnancy would be. You clearly didnt comprehend what you were reading very well. Okay, Tim. I would like to believe that someone near my dads own age would have more sense than this. Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. And how do you know you wouldnt do the same thing she is? April 9, 2012, 4:23 pm. He says he'll do it after the first trimester as the girl's pregnancy is prone to miscarriage. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. Run as if your life depends on it because it does. Now its your turn to sit in her chair, Dr. Sherry,My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. April 9, 2012, 3:04 pm, Ill continue playing devils advocate here today The woman accepts the ejaculate what she does with it is now her business, and her business alone. so many unwanted and unplanned pregnancies could be prevented if people just showed more interested and care in using birth control. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. I feel like a part of me has died . But hes no knight in shining armor because he is willing to bare some legally minimal level of responsibility. Secondly, it is a medical procedure. im not disagreeing with you. Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? Get over yourself and get over him. Heres how I interpreted it. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. It doesnt sound like shes ready or willing to deal with him having fathered a child, especially if he changes his mind and wants to be a part of its life. You dont really get to have a say in this situation, but encourage your boyfriend to have a relationship with this child. I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. Hes walking away and Susie will give birth or have an abortion alone. Guy Friday So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. April 10, 2012, 4:50 pm. Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. I got the impression that he was furious that she opted to keep the baby and quite possibly that she misrepresented being on birth control, not that she had the audacity to become pregnant after sex. Regardless, this guy obviously doesnt seem like anyone you want to be in a relationship with. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. And water. But I answer younger peopleI even have made some comments on Teen Rant. I understand that there are many times when adoption is the best choice. He has a requirement to the mother of his child as well. Who actually uses cod wollop, malarky and scroat? I dont think she should have any sort of legal say about the decision to keep the baby, but I dont think shes committing some horrendous crime for judging it. April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. I dont think the LW can handle a relationship where another woman has her mans child. Its that theyre more likely to be honest about not wearing them when something bad results. Not because there was anything wrong with me or because I didnt deserve a father or because I wasnt lovable she was always sure to explain that it was his deficits that kept him from being a part of my life. Answer (1 of 11): I am an older lady. And MOA. Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. I'm devastated and broken. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable.. We've joined the BHM Digital family of websites and have updated our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. And good for you limiting your preconceived notions to the entire female gender instead. But if she is not YOU need to decide if you can handle your boyfriend having a child with another woman. And it's the best thing that ever happened to me. It seems like the LW is painting the woman in this scenario as the sole person responsible for the pregnancy. What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Having placement, on the other hand, does, and what Im saying is that when it comes down to where are the kids going to stay, in situations where everything else is equal, the default position is still with the mother in most courts, with the fathers visitation dependent on how close to equal the two parents are. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. When you give your child up for adoption, you are giving him or her to people who really want a child and are prepared financially and emotionally to give that child support. Oops, it took so long that I thought my post was lost in space. LW, take a step back and think about what you would tell one of your girlfriends in a similar situation. Well, there are more than a million people who have been unexpectedly pregnant in this country, so arguably those risks are higher. I can assume, at age 40, this man may not want to have children ever, but he knows how babies are made. I dont ever remember being heartbroken about not having a father. . But women and children, in the context of child custody and support systems, end up in extremely unfortunate and unfair situations far more often. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. Every woman who has given a child up for adoption is, in your mind, an immature asshole. The law provides that the parent taking care of the child is entitled to support from the other parent. Im not sure. sorry, brain). i am currently in an awful situation. It ended because you both were doing your own thing, and you had trust issues. So, you go back to where you started, and then he hits you with another bombshell. I think both you and JR are twisting this around to make it sound like we dont like the dude because were prudes who dont believe in casual sex, or that were siding with the LW or something, when most of us actually said that we believe that the LW is as scumy as the dude. Francine female He could've at least waited a week after coming back! Reframed to show the low quality of the comparison: Would you like an abortion? = Would you like fries with that? > OK! Since there is no way to guarantee pregnancy wont occur aside from proof of sterility, this righteous DW anger would likely be aimed at any man who didnt end up wanting the child (no matter what precautions had been taken), likely by the same people whod turn red in the face about any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion. If the person who carried the child to term (woman) wants to turn the kid over to adoptive parents to care for it, then the responsibilitys on them. You want to look awesome in comparison to this new guy. Surely you know that So if you want to hate women for having child support, why dont you hate the men who skipped town. Scummy is the wrong word to use. I have two young sons I dearly hope neither of them ever come across a woman as conniving as you appear to be. lets_be_honest guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. Men still lose here, because if theyre they one who wants the child, tough luck, but thats the way it is. February 6, 2017, 4:03 pm, Simalar to me.. we fell inlove from schol at 15 we kiss at 16 sex at 21 we separated for 5mths he saw another girl and she lie told him she was pregnant..she moved in his parents house..i said goodbye he came begging me ..he dont love her.tears tears .. the next month her period came her lie came in the openshe never left ..i have since moved on ..25yrs to dated he still beging me to come backi played a game with him recently ..i said i would leave my husband would u leave your wifeto be with mehe said yes yesdo u have money to buy a house for me like what u did for her.the silence was deafing.i hang up the phone.. playersmove on leave him alone, lets_be_honest The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. Steve Kellmeyer He isnt what is best for you. If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!! Sue Jones Temperance .. but what if she did deceive him? This doesnt arise from the rights of the mother. i thought that was a bit harsh as well although her anger is unjustified, shes actually just reacting the same way 99% of people would do in that same situation.